SORRY
this isn't about you. nonetheless, you can find consolation in it if you wish. suffice it to say, i'm really very sorry for the way i've behaved. i think first and foremost of my needs. i've been told, by those who would deign to psychoanalyze me, that it's my upbringing of catholic repression or something that makes me insecure; that makes me so guarded. be that as it may, i have always taken some solace in the fact that at any moment, i can be on my own team again by hating myself. whenever people get their fingers between the shell and the underbelly and start prying, thinking i'll start pushing from inside (and why not? everyone should be so open and honest about every little thing as those who find no fear in full disclosure), i clamp down all the harder, push away, roll over and dig in. it's one of my many faults. i'll be the first to admit and the last to deny that i have gaping character flaws, ranging from my tendency to smack my lips to the fact that i have rarely, if ever, been able to focus on one person (self not included) long enough to open up in the slightest. instead, i lie. i lash out. fuck it. this isn't good writing. i'm done
No comments:
Post a Comment